What Heartbreak Taught Me About Self-Love

As I welcome you to my new space," Simply Becoming Her," where I will share some life lessons that are shaping me and guiding me in becoming the best version of myself, I want to give you a deep glimpse into a very sensitive part of my life: LOVE & RELATIONSHIP. Before we go there, I want to tell you more about this new space. When I started my content creation journey, I wanted to use my platforms to share my life experiences so we can grow and learn from one another. At one point, I got lost in the numbers, making money, and trends, and the passion slowly went off. At the start of the year, I decided to stop blogging because I didn't enjoy it and I had a lot on my plate, but with time, I realized that something was missing. I still wanted to write, but this time in a different form, and this is how Simply Becoming Her came to life.

A place where I will still share my usual content ( fashion, beauty, and lifestyle) but also share life experiences that can help you become a better version of yourself. I hope you will also enjoy this new journey. Now let's dive into today's topic!!

I feel like we all go through betrayal and heartbreak at one point in life, and it changes us forever. No matter how much you work on yourself and heal, there is this mark that will never leave. To be honest, I have shared some bits of what I am going to share on my social media platforms, but I feel like I need to write about it so that people who are going through a heartbreak or difficulties in dating can relate and be inspired.

My recent breakup was 2 years ago; this was not my first, but this one was different and changed me for good. In between, I met people and got disappointed and heartbroken over and over, but nothing came close to the pain this 2-year-old heartbreak left. It broke me, changed me and most of all made me grow.

source: pinterest

One of the quotes that I want to base my experience on says that" your heart will heal and you will rise again." This blog doesn't dwell on the pain caused by the experience but instead on the lessons I learned and how they shaped my journey to self-love. No matter how much time it takes you to finally move on and accept what happened, you will heal and grow from the situation. Through the healing process, you will learn how to love yourself again, trust yourself, and how to give back to the world with kindness ( I am not there yet lol), but here is some of a few things heartbreak taught me about self-love.

1. FORGIVENESS IS ALSO SELF-LOVE

Heartbreak taught me how to forgive not only my ex partner but also myself, forgive yourself for the guilt and the pressure you are putting on yourself with the " what could have been and I wish I had done this sooner". Forgive yourself for all the mistakes and the hurt you caused to your partner, because I have realized that most of the time, when we are going through a heartbreak, we are more focused on what the other person did and we fail to recognize our contribution to the fallout. Forgiveness is key, and it is hard to do. It took me a whole year to come to terms with what happened and really forgive my ex and myself.

Forgiveness is an act of love to yourself and the people around you. You can't love properly if you are not able to forgive. Forgiveness gives us closure, healing, and allows us to really move on without holding grudges.

source: pinterest

Forgiving myself for the failed relationship allowed me to be more compassionate and kind towards myself. It also enabled me to love myself after the relationship, as I had felt that I couldn't be loved after the breakup because one person had failed to see me for who I truly am. I spent months blaming myself for the downfall of that relationship to the point that it affected all the areas of my life. I became insecure, I felt undesired, and I always blamed myself for not being who I thought I was when it came to relationships.

I remember in 2024, I was having a conversation with a friend and I told him, " I don't feel attractive anymore, I feel ugly." The heartbreak took me into a very dark place that affected my self-worth. I didn't love myself. But at one point, I realized that I was not only hurting myself but also the people around me, especially any man who approached me, because I saw them from the perspective of that failed relationship, and I projected my fears onto them. It made me toxic, and then I realized that the key to all of that was to forgive, but how do I forgive someone who took 2 years of my life and then decided to leave? How do I trust again? No matter how much I was so unsure if I should do it I ended up forgiving him and forgiving myself. I shifted my perspective from feeling unworthy to recognizing my worth and investing in building what was lost in that season. Forgiveness liberates you, it frees you from all the expectations and hurt you hold on to.

2. NEVER STOP PULLING INTO YOURSELF

   
   

Another major lesson I learned from heartbreak is to never stop pulling into myself. We women tend to get lost in relationships, as soon as you have a serious stable relationship you tend to put on the side your personal goals and focus more on the couple goals or even better on your man’s dream and then after the breakup you find yourself lost and it is so hard to get back from that.

Ladies and gents, don’t lose your spark while dating, never stop chasing your dreams because of your relationship, and make sure you still have a life outside of the relationship. Lesson I learned the hard way, I met the guy I fell in love, we started talking long term commitment and I paused my studies because I thought our plans mattered more than what I had planned for myself, you know "you can resume school anytime" that is what I kept telling myself mind you he still pursued his dream and I was cheering him on and then after the breakup I was lost, I was wondering what I was doing all these 2 years and I didn’t know who I was outside the relationship because I let it define me.

Chasing your dreams is a form of self-love, and investing in your growth, education, and finances is part of self-care. Don’t let anything stop you from doing what you love. Self-love doesn’t have to stop because someone else came into the picture. always put yourself and wellness in the forefront, and if you are trying to build something with your partner, always check in with yourself to see if you are still aligning with your own goals.

I can go on and on about what heartbreak taught me, but these 2 lessons changed my life around; they made me stronger in building a life outside of the relationship and how to move with compassion after deception. It is not always easy, but it is better to forgive and start over again, not only for you but for your future relationships. See you in another heartfelt blog xoxo !!